Birthday Revelations
by DiNozzos probie
Summary: It's Brian's 32nd birthday, and he is not happy about it! A fight with Justin the night before forces Brian to analyze his life, his feelings, and face some hard facts. Will Justin forgive him or has he lost him forever this time? Contains minor spoilers. This story is rated M for a reason.


Author's Note: I have posted several stories for "NCIS", but this is my first for "Queer as Folk". I'm excited to be involved in this fandom, but a bit nervous at the same time. I hope you like this story and I welcome all comments and feedback. I do not mind, and in fact encourage, constructive criticism but no flames please!

I am a hopelessly devoted fangirl and I will always attempt to keep the characters as true as possible. Brian may be a bit OOC, but I think you will understand why. Enjoy!

WARNING: Contains minor spoilers.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any recognizable characters or places. I am making no money from this work of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended.

A big thank you to MyShame7 for her advice, insight, and guidance with this story. Any and all editing errors (typos, etc.) are mine and mine alone!

* * *

"Birthday Revelations"

Brian groaned as the alarm clock blared from the nightstand on what had become Justin's side of the bed. He quickly grew impatient waiting for Justin to shut it off and was about to yell at him only to roll over and find the other side of the bed cold and empty. "Fuck," Brian growled as he scrubbed a hand down his face before crawling across the bed and slapping off the incessant noise. He flopped onto his back and sighed. All alone and a bit hung over to boot was not how he wanted to start what he knew was already destined to be a shitty day.

It was his thirty-second birthday and all Brian wanted was to get through the day without anyone making a big deal out of it. Fortunately it was Saturday, so at least he wouldn't have to put up with his army of spineless minions at the office brown-nosing and bombarding him with birthday greetings; a small victory to be sure. As much as he wished his so-called friends would let the day pass without fanfare he knew that wasn't very likely. For some reason they all felt that the day of his birth was worthy of great celebration, which was in large part the reason he had woken up alone.

Brian rolled out of bed and shuffled the short distance to the bathroom. After taking care of his full bladder he splashed cold water on his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and muttered in disgust, "Kinney, you are a fucking idiot." When he returned to the bedroom he stopped and frowned at the empty, half-made bed. On a normal Saturday morning he would crawl back in and spoon up behind Justin and let his hands and lips roam all over his warm naked body, which more often than not led to an amazing early morning fuck or at the very least a mind melting blow job.

Brian sat down on the edge of the bed and let out a mournful sigh as he reached for the pack of cigarettes and Zippo lighter lying on the nightstand. He hesitated for a moment before lighting one and taking a long drag. Tossing the lighter back on the nightstand, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. As he blew out the smoke he thought about the events of the previous night.

* * *

_Friday night had started out like any other with a bite to eat at the diner followed by drinks and shooting pool at Woody's. Brian tolerated a fair amount of good-natured teasing from Michael and Ted about being another year older admirably well. With a pool cue in his skilled hands and a devilish smirk on his face, he took his revenge on the pair by twice running the table and defeating them both in short order._

_Despite the parade of men leering and overtly flirting with him it wasn't long before Brian grew bored. He was horny as hell and wanted nothing more than to drag Justin to the backroom for a quick hard fuck. His plans were derailed, however, when he and Justin ended up getting into an argument - over plans for his birthday party. Brian had reluctantly agreed to a very small, no frills, no cake, no gifts get together to appease Justin, but Emmett the resident party planner wouldn't hear of it and things quickly got out of hand._

_The fight started with Brian yelling at Justin to "just fucking drop it already", and ended with Justin rounding on Brian and telling him to go fuck himself before storming out of the bar shortly before midnight._

_Regret set in immediately and Brian hung his head with a sigh. He knew he was being a total ass and that throwing a party for him meant a lot to Justin, whose single-minded determination to prove to Brian that he was loved was on par with Brian's innate fear of letting anyone get too close. "Love" was a word he had learned at an early age to equate with pain, rejection, and loneliness._

_"Jesus Christ, Brian," Michael shouted over the din of the crowded bar. "All he wants to do is throw you a fucking birthday party. He tries to do something for you for a change, and you treat him like shit? We all know you hate the idea of getting older and all of that, or God forbid anyone showing you how much they actually care about you, but it's just a fucking party."_

_Emmett chimed in and added, "Yeah, Brian. It's not like you're turning 40 or anything really tragic like that. You're only thirty-two, so what's the big deal? Besides, everything is already taken care of. It will just be us, Ben, Mel, Linds, little Gus, Debbie, Vic, oh and you and Justin of course."_

_Brian rolled his eyes at Emmett's gleeful expression and waved the bartender over and ordered another drink. Ted looked like he was about to speak up and offer his unsolicited two cents but wisely backed down when Brian shot a warning glare in his direction. Brian tossed back the shot of Jim Beam placed in front of him and slammed the shot glass down on the bar._

_"Thirty-two - that's great! I might as well be dead," he sniped sarcastically before tossing a couple of twenty-dollar bills on the bar and abruptly leaving._

_Normally, Brian would have taken out his frustration by picking up a random trick and fucking him into oblivion. He didn't even need to go to Babylon or the baths to find a willing partner. Liberty Avenue was teeming with men of all sizes, ages and kinks looking for a date, and Brian Kinney could have his pick of the lot. With a stern look and a wave of his hand he dismissed the dozen or so young men posing and preening for his benefit as he turned up the collar on his jacket and walked the long block to his Jeep._

_He climbed behind the wheel and slammed the door yelling, "FUCK!" Lighting a joint before turning the key in the ignition he took a minute to consider his options. He could swallow his pride and drive over to Debbie's house knowing that Justin would likely seek temporary refuge there, or he could simply go home to his empty loft and drink until he didn't feel like shit about himself anymore. As much as he wanted to drag Justin home, apologize once again for being a complete jerk, and then fuck him senseless, in the end stubborn pride won out and Brian squealed the tires as he took off down the street toward home leaving a cloud of tire smoke behind._

_When he got home Brian yanked off his leather jacket and threw it across the room. He grabbed a new bottle of Jim Beam from the kitchen and twisted off the cap as he slid down to the floor and leaned back against the couch. Two cigarettes and several long drinks later Brian had an epiphany as he stood and looked through bleary eyes at his surroundings. He had it all, success, prestige, money, and a flat that was the envy of all, but no one to share it or his life with. He was all alone and realized that if he didn't get his shit together soon he always would be. Shuffling across the floor and stumbling up the steps before collapsing on the bed, Brian wondered when even Michael would finally give up on him._

* * *

Brian was pulled from this thoughts by someone pounding on his door. He crushed out his cigarette and pulled on the jeans he wore last night before slowly padding across the floor to the door. He slid the door open and was not at all surprised to find Debbie standing there, hands planted firmly on her hips, glaring at him while smacking on a big wad of gum.

"You gonna fucking invite me in?" she snarked. Brian rolled his eyes then stepped aside and waved her in. She may be loud, brash, and at times overbearing, but Debbie Novotny was a loving mother of the highest caliber. He slid the door shut then headed into his kitchen to make a pot of strong coffee. There was no way he was going to suffer Debbie reading him the riot act without a heavy dose of caffeine. She was the one person he couldn't bullshit no matter how hard he tried.

Debbie was ready to start in and lay some home truths on Brian until she noticed an uncharacteristic sad, regretful look in his eyes. She stayed silent and waited until the coffee was ready and thought carefully about what she wanted and needed to say. Along with being stubborn to a fault, she knew that Brian was exceptionally proud but, despite all outward signs to the contrary, he was also vulnerable. Being raised in a loveless household by a physically and verbally abusive father and an emotionally absent mother had left Brian damaged and unable to truly comprehend the concept that he could love someone or be loved in return.

"You want coffee," Brian asked, not even making an attempt at displaying false bravado.

"Sure honey, thanks. Then you and I are gonna have a little talk," Debbie admonished as she tossed her oversized purse into a chair then plopped down on the couch.

Brian came over a few minutes later with two large steaming mugs and handed one to Debbie then took a seat next to her.

"Brian, honey, you know I love you," she declared affectionately.

Brian snorted knowing that the soft opening meant he was in for one hell of a scolding. He steeled himself for a proper and frankly well-deserved chewing out before sucking up the courage to face Debbie. He was more than a bit surprised when he slowly turned his head to find her looking at him with sadness instead of the anger he had expected.

"Yeah, I know," he said with a sigh.

"Then you know I want you to be happy, and I know for a fact that Sunshine makes you happy. You may think you're fooling everyone by being an asshole most of the time, but that kid loves you. I don't understand why you won't let him, and why you won't admit that you love him too," she said pointing a garishly manicured finger at him.

Brian tried to tamp down the conflicting emotions coursing through him. He hung his head and swallowed hard before finally croaking out, "It's not that simple."

Debbie sat her coffee down on the table and placed one hand over her aching heart and used the other to tap Brian under the chin. When he finally looked up and met her gaze she reached up and carded her fingers through the hair at his temples and said, "Sure it is! Just quit fighting it and let it happen. Seeing you and Sunshine apart like this breaks my heart, and you know damn well the more you push him away the more that wonderful kid is gonna fight like hell to show you how much he truly cares about you."

Brian suddenly felt like a child again, certain that anything he said or did would bring swift rejection. He was the master when it came to thinking on his feet so he stood and paced the floor in front of the large windows and quickly grew agitated. Debbie sipped on her coffee and watched as he worked things out and said nothing, knowing that the floodgates were about to open.

Brian threw his hands up in exasperation and yelled, "Why me, Deb? Why the fuck could he possibly want me? I'm too old and not good for him. I'm thirty-two. He's still young and has his whole life ahead of him! This is me, this is who I am. I'm a cold, heartless bastard, and I sure as fuck don't see that ever changing. I do everything I can to drive him away, for his own good, but he keeps coming back and I keep letting him. Yeah, I admit that I care about him, but he deserves better than me. He deserves someone who can give him what he wants and give him what he needs. I thought he found that with Evan or Ian or whatever the fuck his name was. He needs something from me that I can't give him. So tell me, why the fuck does he keep coming back to this?" Brian leaned against the window nearly out of breath and on the verge of tears by the time he finished his self-deprecating rant.

Debbie saw movement out of the corner of her eye as she walked over to Brian and cradled his face in her hands. "Now you listen to me," she mock scolded as she ran her thumbs across his cheeks, "it's because he knows that you need him as much as he needs you, and he loves you-very, very much."

"She's right you know."

Startled, Brian pulled away and turned his head to find Justin standing a few feet inside the half open doorway. Debbie smiled and wiped her moist eyes with her shirt sleeve while Brian walked around the couch and took a few hesitant steps toward the door. He stopped and waited for Justin to say something, anything. Brian had a sinking feeling that he was there to pack his things and leave him once and for all. It would surely destroy him this time, but he knew he deserved it.

While Justin and Brian stared each other down Debbie grabbed her purse and made to leave. She nodded and winked at Justin then patted his cheek on her way out. As she slid the door closed behind her she had one thought, _"My job here is done."_

Brian stood frozen and eyed Justin warily as he slowly stepped closer, his heart breaking a little more with each deliberate step. Justin hazarded a quick glance at the bed, and was relieved to see that only one side had been slept in. He stopped just over an arm's length from Brian, who ached to reach out and pull him close.

Brian scowled and tried to take on a defensive posture. "What are you doing here," he finally asked in his typical authoritative tone. It had never worked on Justin before, and it sure as hell wasn't going to work now. Despite the turmoil and drama during their on-again off-again relationship, or maybe because of it, Justin had grown more confident when it came to confronting Brian.

Justin stood as tall as his five-foot eight frame would allow and announced matter-of-factly, "I live here, remember? That is, unless you want to kick me out-again."

Brian slowly shook his head too afraid to speak for fear of saying something he would regret. He wanted to kiss Justin and devour his lips, but he knew that it wouldn't be welcomed or appreciated. Seeing that an internal battle was being waged, Justin moved a step closer and gently placed a hand in the center of Brian's bare chest. He looked up into the ever-changing hazel eyes that held the power to captivate him.

"I heard everything you said, and you're wrong. You do give me everything I want and everything I need. I don't need to hear the words you can't say or some overly romantic gesture, because that's not who you are. Ethan may have said the words, but they were a lie. You don't need to _tell_ me how you feel because you show me every day, in so many ways." Justin paused just long enough to brush a ghost of a kiss over Brian's lips. Taking Brian's face in his hands he went on to declare, "I love you Brian Kinney, just the way you are. I may deserve better, but you are all I want."

Justin stepped back and saw regret flash in Brian's eyes and a pained expression cross his beautiful face. Brian closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath before pulling himself up to his full height. With renewed determination he moved closer, and taking Justin's hands in his said softly but sincerely, "I don't deserve _you_, but I want to try_. _Look, Justin, I ...," he trailed off then cocked his head to the side and looked at his young lover trying to say with his eyes what he couldn't with words.

Justin caressed Brian's cheek and grinned affectionately. "I know, Brian. Like I said, I don't need the words, I just need you."

"You've got me," Brian murmured as he pulled Justin close and took his lips in a knee-weakening kiss. Along with the usual hunger he conveyed with kisses, Brian poured his regret, fear and an overwhelming sense of relief into it. It was a slow burn as slowly piece by piece clothes were cast off until they were blessedly skin against skin.

In a surprisingly bold move, Justin pushed Brian back causing him to land on his back on the deep-cushioned Italian couch. Brian's eyes went wide when Justin straddled his legs then chuckled as Justin reached underneath one of the cushions and produced a condom packet and bottle of lube that they had taken to stashing there. Justin tore the wrapper open with his teeth then rolled the condom down over Brian's impressive and fully erect cock. He squirted a generous amount of lube on Brian's dick then leaned forward and kissed him deeply. While their tongues danced together in a sensual tango, Justin shifted his weight then lowered himself taking Brian's entire length deep inside.

"Oh fuck," Brian cried out, arching his back as Justin began to ride him at an agonizingly slow pace. This was about reconnecting and making love, not simply a quick fuck.

Justin wanted slow, deep, passionate, and, despite his best efforts, Brian was in no position to deny him. Appreciative moans, cursed pleas, and murmured endearments filled the room as they neared completion. Desparate to end the exquisite torture, Brian brought a hand up and began stroking Justin's cock only to have his hand slapped away. Justin slowly shook his head and his eyes bored into Brian's letting him know that he was in control. It seemed like hours before Justin came first, throwing his head back and letting out a strangled moan as his release shot out onto Brian's chest and abs. Brian followed seconds later, his mouth open in a silent scream as he thrust his hips up to bury himself as deeply as possible. Completely spent they turned onto their sides and held each other tight as they came down from their orgasmic highs.

They reaffirmed their bond in the shower a short time later, washing each other and exchanged loving kisses under the hot soothing spray. Justin barely managed to escape Brian's obvious libidinous desire to go a second round by announcing that he was treating Brian to lunch and that he wasn't taking no for an answer. Brian rolled his eyes and growled petulantly for effect but relented not wanting to spark another pointless argument.

Twenty minutes later, freshly showered, shaved, and dressed, they were out the door. It was a pleasant, warm sunny day so they decided to walk. Brian squeezed Justin's hand and cleared his throat as they leisurely strolled through the large city park near his loft. "So, how many people are gonna be at this party," he asked in a resigned tone.

Justin shot him a sideways glance then replied, "Called it off. I'm sorry Brian. I shouldn't have pushed when you said no."

Brian stopped and turned to face Justin, who was trying his best to hide his disappointment. "No, I'm sorry. Yeah, I hate birthdays and all that shit, but I overreacted." Brian then leaned in and kissed Justin tenderly.

"Come on, I'm starving," Justin demanded playfully as he took Brian's hand and pulled him along. When they reached the crossroads in the middle of the park, Brian veered off to the left in the direction of the diner only to find himself pulled in the opposite direction. "Nope, it's this way."

Brian was surprised when they stopped in front of an Italian bistro several blocks off of Liberty Avenue. It was known for its authentic cuisine and was one of Brian's favorite places to wine and dine potential new clients. It was also very upscale and expensive. When Justin went to open the door, Brian jerked him back.

"Justin, this place is too expensive. You don't need to do this," Brian stated with a smile.

"I know, but I want to," Justin replied nonchalantly before dragging Brian inside. "Reservation for Taylor," he announced proudly to the maître d'.

After lunch they spent the rest of the afternoon window shopping, occasionally ducking into various shops and boutiques for a closer look around. It may have been his birthday, but Brian chose to celebrate by buying Justin a whole new wardrobe. He enjoyed sitting back and overtly leering each time Justin emerged from the dressing room to model an outfit for him. It wasn't lost on Brian that they were acting just like an official couple, something he had worked so hard to avoid in the past but now found oddly comforting.

* * *

When they reached the door to the loft, Justin grabbed Brian's arm just as he was about to turn his key in the lock. "Um, please don't be mad but there is another surprise in there." He shrugged helplessly when Brian's eyes narrowed threateningly before he slowly slid the door open.

There was no need to switch on the lights as the entire loft was aglow in candle light. Soft jazz played from the stereo giving the ultra-modern loft an unaccustomed romantic ambiance. Justin said nothing as Brian dropped the shopping bags he had carried home, and hesitantly strode over to find the coffee table covered with brightly wrapped gifts. On top was a handwritten note in Emmett's dramatic cursive script. "Dinner is in the oven. We all love you, Brian. Happy Birthday!" It was signed by Emmett, Ted, Michael, Ben, Debbie, Vic, Lindsay and Melanie.

Brian was equally stunned and touched by the concerted effort of the group of co-conspirators. He huffed out a chuckle then with raised eyebrows turned to find Justin standing next to him smiling proudly.

"You knew about this," Brian asked accusingly, his lips twitching as he fought back a smile.

Justin nodded enthusiastically before leaning in for a chaste kiss. "Yep. Guess I'm not the only one who loves you."

Across the room, the linen-covered dining table was elegantly set with fine china, cut crystal stem ware, and silverware wrapped in fine linen. A bottle of red wine sat chilling in a silver ice bucket next to two long purple tapers in sterling silver candlesticks. Brian popped the cork and filled the wine glasses while Justin retrieved two serving dishes from the oven and brought them over to the table.

Emmett and Vic had outdone themselves by preparing Beef Wellington with steamed asparagus and sautéed baby new potatoes. "Jesus, this looks great," Brian exclaimed as he unwrapped his silverware and placed his napkin on his lap.

Justin grinned as he filled both of their plates and said, "Vic made you a double chocolate cake, too."

When he finished eating Brian placed his fork on this plate and stared across the table at Justin. His young lover looked the same as did the night they first met, but he was no longer the scared, inexperienced little twink he had brought home and deflowered. Instead, before him sat a young man brimming with self-confidence who no longer needed anyone to show him the way. Brian was simply in awe and it terrified him.

Justin raised his wine glass to take a sip but stopped when he noticed an unexpected melancholy look on Brian's face. He sat his glass back down and reached across the table to squeeze Brian's hand. "Brian, what's wrong?"

Brian cocked his head. "Why do you do it? Why do you stay with me? Why do you put up with my shit?"

Justin rolled his eyes. "I told you, because I love you and I need you. I just can't imagine my life without you."

Brian looked away with a frown and swallowed hard. "You don't need me. Not anymore," he muttered sadly.

Growing frustrated Justin barked, "Dammit Brian, yes I do! You made me who I am, and I'm _nothing_ without you! When are you gonna get it through your head that I will love you no matter what you say or what you do. Deb was right. The more you push me away the harder I'm going to fight for you - for us." Justin paused to gauge Brian's reaction then grinned slyly and added confidently, "Besides, you need me too. You can deny it all you want, but you need me."

Brian shook his head and favored Justin with a tight smile. "Yeah, I guess I do." He suddenly stood and walked over to the stereo and popped in a CD. He pressed play and a familiar song filled the room. He strode back over to the table and held out his hand. "Dance with me," he requested, his eyes flashing with affection.

Justin allowed Brian to pull him to his feet and into his arms. They immediately fell into an easy rhythm, their bodies moving together perfecty in time to the music. It was strangely fitting that "Save The Last Dance For Me" had become their song. Each time Justin heard it new memories of dancing with Brian at the prom flashed in his mind. For Brian it was a reminder of what he nearly lost that horrible night.

As the final bars played, Brian took Justin's face in his hands, looked down into his sparkling blue eyes and said softly, "Thank you for today. Justin, I ..."

Justin cut him off by shaking his head and placing a finger across Brian's lips. "I know. Happy Birthday, Brian!"


End file.
